Christmas in FF7 land
by Angellina Tsaint
Summary: It may be an unoriginal idea, but it's funny! Christmas Eve, Christmas, and Boxing Day in FF7...


A/N: Merry Christmas all! I don't own anyone or anything... And yes, Christmas was a few days ago...  
  
  
"DECK THE HALLS WITH BOUGHS OF HOLLY, FA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Cloud sang (very off-tune) as he hung up some tinsel.  
Ever since FF7 had ended, the cast lived in a gigantic mansion with 10 rooms. Cait Sith was now a Don, Aeris was a karaoke singer (no one really knew why exactly she was alive, something to do with Holy), Tifa was a breakdancer, Barret had a talk show, Vincent was in rehab, Yuffie did... something, she didn't tell them what, Cloud stayed up late every night drinking and watching Pokemon reruns, and Sephiroth worked at Burger King. Cid had gone off to the Bahamas.  
Anyway, it was now Christmas, and they were all pitching in to decorate the place, but with the exception of Yuffie, who was still out doing whatever she did.  
Tifa looked out one of the huge windows. "Wow..." She said, "The snow's so beautiful!"  
"Tifa, that's not snow!" Aeris giggled, obviously a little tipsy from Barret's alcoholic eggnog.  
The chocolate haired girl looked back out the window, and then back to Aeris. "What is it then?"  
A scream was then heard, and Vincent was seen falling off the roof, holding a bucket called "PAPER CONFETTI".  
Aeris just grinned.  
"HEY! Where's all the popcorn string?!" Cloud growled from his new spot at the top of the extra mega sized tree. He looked down at Barret, who gave him a guilty grin.  
"I'M GONNA KILL YOU, YOU MR T RIP- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!"  
Poor Cloud didn't get to finish his sentence when the ladder suddenly gave out beneath him.  
No one happened to notice Sephiroth calmly walking back to his couch and sitting down, and started reading an upside down women's magazine.  
"This is just STUPID!" He yelled, "Who on earth would print a magazine upside down?!"  
Cloud stood up, rubbing his now very sore back. "Heh, maybe you killed the proper printers!"  
"TALK TO THE HAND, CHOCOBO HAIR!"  
"Oh, hello hand! Please tell Sephiroth he's a big -"  
"CLOUD!" Tifa glared at him, "No swearing on Christmas Eve!"  
When no one else (except Cloud) was looking, Sephiroth smirked and poked his tounge out at the blonde man.  
"AHHHHH!" Cloud screamed, "I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!" And promptly ran up to his room.  
A few seconds passed before Sephiroth looked over to the others and said: "When do you think he'll realise that's Cait Sith's?"  
A bone-shattering scream echoed from behind the door.  
"I'd say around now!" Aeris giggled.  
Cloud ran out of the room, yelling incoherent things about Cait Sith and the girl from down the road. He continued to run through the room and out the door, only to fall over Vincent, who was still lying in the snow.  
"Hey, Cloud!" Vincent grinned, "Wanna get HIIIGGGHHH?"  
"Vincent! You're meant to be in rehab!"  
"MEANT?! SEPHIROTH'S MEANT TO BE MY SON, DAMMIT!"  
Cloud stared at him for a while. "No he's not!"  
"Yeah, I know..."   
"But you're STILL meant to be in rehab!"  
"He's STILL meant to be my son!"  
"We've already discussed that!"  
"DISCUSS THIS!" Vincent then promptly passed out.  
Making sure no one had seen that incident, Cloud shrunk back inside.  
Aeris was much more drunk, he noticed, as she ran across the room, yelling in Mexican.  
"What's all this racket?!" Cait Sith came out of his room wearing a polka dot robe. "I have..." He looked over his shoulder, "Company."  
"Cait Sith-" Cloud began.  
"THAT'S DON SITH!"  
"Yeah, whatever. Why don't you ditch that buck-toothed girl and join us for Christmas festivities?"  
A loud yell was heard from outside: "I LOVE YOU LUCRECI- AHHHHHHHHH!!!!" And then a very painful sounding crunch was heard.  
"What the hell was THAT!?" Barret exclaimed, diving behind the couch for no apparent reason.  
Tifa looked out the window again. "Oh, it's only the snow ploughs... It looks like Vincent got caught in one of them."  
"Shouldn't we check if he's okay?" Cloud asked.  
"Nah," She replied, "The ploughs'll be coming back."  
"Ah."  
Suddenly, Sephiroth (who was now reading a magazine the right way up) burst into tears.  
"Sephiroth? Are you okay?" Tifa left her post at the window and walked over to him.  
"These magazines say stuff about family time... My mother's dead!!!" He wailed.  
For some reason, those words persuaded both Tifa and Aeris to give him a big hug.  
Cloud leaned against the fireplace, shaking his head. "The decorations will never get up in time..." He groaned.  
The striking of the clock got his attention.   
"AHHHH! It's 12 pm! Only a few hours until Christmas!" He hopped around.  
"And you haven't even gotten us presents yet!" Barret growled.  
"So I haven't..." Cloud then realised he only had 12 hours on Christmas Eve to get them all gifts.  
He was doomed.  
"Ah, I'll just go down to the stores..." Cloud said meekly, ans stepped out the door...  
And onto Vincent's face.  
"He he! Cloud, I can see up your skirt!"   
There was a problem there. Cloud wasn't wearing a skirt. And he very kindly stated that as he kicked Vincent's unholy ass across the street.  
  
  
***  
  
"What do you mean, 'Sold Out'?! IT'S CHRISTMAS EVE!" Cloud leaned over the counter and grabbed the collar of the pizza guy.  
"Yes, sir, but I'm the only one working here! It's been chaos!" The pimply boy stuttered.  
"CHAOS?! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT CHAOS IS, YOU LITTLE-"  
Cloud's pathetic threat was cut short by a yell from outside the window: "I do!!!" He turned around to see Vincent collapse in the street.  
'Is he stalking me or something?!" Cloud wondered and shook his head. He was only on the other side of the street, it would be logical for Vincent to be there.  
But... It was awfully tempting to go outside and kick Vincent's ass again...  
Thankfully, the snow ploughs came by again and took him away before Cloud could do anything.  
  
Stepping out of the Pizza Parlour, he glanced at his watch, and started mentally noting what to get everyone.  
Sephiroth - A 12 month subscription to 'Hair Fashion'  
Aeris - A bunny and/or kitten, in bulk  
Tifa - Something from the $2 store  
Vincent - Something sanguine... (Highlight and press 'D')  
Barret - Mr T: The Biography  
Yuffie - Stirrups (she had mentioned something about needing them, even though she hated horses)  
Cait Sith - A padlock for his room, which he DEFINITELY needed  
Was there anyone else? No, he didn't think so.   
Glancing around the street, Cloud sighed. Where on earth would he get everything?  
Then, he saw a bright light - his savior.  
Looking twice, he realised it was only a flickering neon sign for an Internet CafŽ.  
'The only other place open...' Cloud thought, and carefully walked in.  
  
"Greetings, stranger!"  
If there was one thing he knew about the place, it was that it was full of nerds. And the one who appeared to be their leader had taken an interest in Cloud.  
"Uh... Hi."  
"What brings you to our humble place?"  
Cloud looked around the room. "I need to get Christmas presents..."  
"EBAY!" Everyone shouted with glee.  
"Ebay?"  
"Yes!" The leader said, "The almighty Ebay will help you with your shopping! And since we're right next door to Midgar Ebay, your gifts will be delivered immediately!"  
Cloud considered this.  
"Yeah, why not?"  
He was lead to a computer at the back of the room. The screen read "Ebay".  
  
A few hours later...  
  
Cloud walked out of the Internet CafŽ, weighed down with lots and lots of stuff.   
He grinned inwardly, since he had bought everything. He then realised he had to walk all the way back home...  
Cloud sighed and crossed the street.  
  
***  
  
"I'm HOOOMMMEEE!" He yelled, banging the door shut behind him, and dumping the gifts under the tree.  
"Cloud, where were you?!" Tifa demanded, "It's seven pm! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU PUT US THROUGH?!"  
A groan came from the couch. "Speak for yourself!"   
Cloud poked his tounge out at Sephiroth, who raised a certian finger in return.  
  
About an hour later...  
  
They were playing Twister.  
"AHHHH! Cloud, don't put your hand THERE!" (Tifa)  
"Sorry, but it's left hand red!" (Cloud)  
"SEPHIROTH, YOU PERVERT!" (Aeris)  
"Right hand green!" (Sephiroth)  
"He, he... C'mon, babe... Right foot yellow..." (Cait/Don Sith)  
"LEFT FOOT BLUE! I LOVE YOU LUCRECIA!" (Vincent)  
"The A-Team's on!" (Barret)  
  
Anyway, they continued to do that until they all went to bed (even though Cait Sith tried to persuade Aeris to go to his)...  
  
  
A/N: O.O I am VERY afraid of my own writing sometimes... 


End file.
